Wednesday, March 12, 2008
All New Wedding Vows by Rants
‘Cause come on folks, let’s be realistic…
Groom:
In the name of God, I, (insert name), take you, (insert name), to be my first/second/fifth wife,
to have and to hold from this day until (insert presumed date of divorce)
for better or at least until something better comes along,
for richer or richerer, in sickness and in health…well, maybe not sickness, but for sure health, to love and to cherish when is most convenient,
until we are parted by disagreements, debt, and deceit, .
This is my solemn vow.
Bride:
In the name of God, I, (insert name), take you, (insert name), to be my husband,
to have, to hold and to take for granted from this day until (insert presumed date of internet/work/hired help affair),
for better or for better rest when I make you sleep on the couch,
for richer or….um, let’s skip this one,
in sickness, health and recovery from lipo/botox/plastic surgery,
to love and to cherish before the mortgage, job and home appliances become more important,
until we are parted by a mutual rejection of each other.
This is my solemn vow.
OR…
Alternative Vows…
I, [insert name], take you [insert name], to be my door mat, my partner in some parts of life and lucky number (insert number of marriage) of my true loves.
I will cherish our friendship and love you today,
maybe tomorrow, but probably not forever
I will distrust you, yet always pretend otherwise
I will laugh with you, but let you cry alone.
I will love you faithfully
Until I discover the true meaning of the word.
Through the best times and nothing more,
Through the difficult and then through the more difficult divorce.
For what may come I might be there.
As I have given you my hand to hold for now,
So I give you my life to keep for a few years
So help me God.
Wedding Cake Toppers for 2008
Climbing Groom & Victorious Bride
Reaching Bride & Helpful Groom
Bride Having the Upper Hand
Runaway Bride
Runaway Groom - OH NO YOU DON"T!
Now I Have You
